December 22 2003
Email from Kent Miller
My Dad told me about your Mom... I am very sorry for all her suffering. I hope that you realize that she is beyond cancers reach now.
I am afraid too, that I am still not adjusted to my own situation. This is why I don't write. I just don't have anything to say that doesnt depress me, so its easier not to say anything.
I am afraid that I may have had it just too good for too long to accept being physically disabled with a fucked up spine, but I may adjust.
Sometimes I wonder if trading didn't fuck up all my friends to some degree, just by providing years worth of an experience that none of us seem to have been able to match so far.
I imagine that my pessimism is overblown by my own personal circumstances. And that is why it might be a while before you hear from me again... I dont want to bring you down with my bad attitude. I am sorry for your loss Kellie. I hope you are ok. Just remember that everyones time comes sooner or later and your mom made most of her choices of her own free will. It is unreasonable to think that you can protect people from themselves. You stood by your mom the whole time I knew her and many were the times that I thought you deserved more consideration from her. Im sure you did all you could, and I'm equally sure that you will probably start telling yourself that there was more you could have done to protect her from herself. You were a better daughter to her than she was a mother to you when we were together I assure you.
Take care of yourself and good luck to both of us!
This was the last e mail I received from Kent Miller
He passed away 7 months later