Sunday, February 28, 2010

June 15th 1998

I got up this morning and it is so perfectly beautiful on a Summer morning. I had my coffee with the door open and was in such a good mood when I left for work.
It was high tide and warm by 6am.
We are planning our 4th of July party. I think Jane and Chris may take the ferry over and come to the parade and do the whole Caledonia Street/Dumpy park dorky boat race, Eugene and the Bluejeans.... smittys.
We are going to start at Karl's with some sort of brunch and bloodys and then walk down to the parade.
hmm what to make for breakfast?
June 5th 1998

Kent Millers Birthday.
I am bringing him some cookies that I made. There are enough that he can share them with the whole Nike pit.
This houseboat is creepy. I wake up in the night and have this absolute feeling that beings are hovering all over my bed.. the room is round and its a big circle of ghosty weirdness.
We are planning a trip to Silver Lake with all Wudtkes and Harwoods in August.
May 22nd 1998

It's my birthday, the weather is nice and I am sitting on the deck. The girls came by and we had drinks and they gave me this really cool shirt that Lynnie has that I like.
I am waiting for Karl and having this ridiculous fantasy that he wil show up and ask me to marry him.
Ha.. what a joke.
Kent Miller was right, the age difference is a time bomb and I am an idiot.
May 15th 1998

Petes memorial was on Mt Tam and we went and Kris went.. he kind of hung around in the backround but the the worst part was hearing all Petes friends talking about Pete and Rebecca like they were a couple.. Kris is still married to her!
God it was creepy.
That was the friends memorial and then his mom is having a churchy one at their church on Saturday.
You know it seemed like he never found his way in life, I got him a job interview with Kevin Gee and he ran off the floor?
There are certain people in life that when you get "the call" and you find out they are done by their own decision it is somehow not surprising.
I hate to admit that or even say it but is seems true.
McKechney,, I was shocked but not surprised.
Karl is of course wishing he had talked to him before the end.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

May 8th 1998


All day yesterday I waited for Karl to call me because we were going to go on a hike.
I thought maybe he was pissed at me for something or just bailed then he finally called late last night, he had been over at Pete's moms house all day.
Pete hung himself in his moms bathroom.
She called Karl cuz he was his best friend.
Karl is extremely bummed because he did not talk to him because of the Rebecca thing.
I am in shock.
I don't know what to do.

Friday, February 26, 2010

April 30th 1998

Karl is still not talking to Petey baby cuz of Rebecca the whore.
I still say friends are more important than all that shit.
Pete keeps calling and Karl will not call him back. It's sad. They have been friends since they were kids. Now this?
I wish they would work this out but it's more of a fuck job than any of us know.
It just gets worse and worse.
A lot of people are hurt.
Including me but we won't go into that chapter.
I will say this chick has done more damage to more people than I have ever known one human to be responsible for.
Karl and Kris are barely talking too,, ya great

Thursday, February 25, 2010

April 12th 1998

The girl next door to me owns her houseboat and works for KTVU, they are doing some kind of houseboat life documentary and want to film my boat.. cuz it's quite strange.
I said yes.. they are filming when I am at work so who cares as long as they are gone by 3pm which they have been.
I love coming home from work and taking a nap up in the loft all floaty and fresh air.
We are planning a trip to Silver Lake maybe in August.
Im in!
April 10th 1998

This thing is totally haunted!
I wake up and feel lots of beings looking down on me from the ceiling.
It's way creepy.
Karl and I got into a fight and this pic of us that I had that Don took at Silver Lake came crashing down and burst apart.. glass everywhere.. but it fell on 70's soft shag carpet.. wtf?
I am having trouble sleeping.
April 6th 1998

I love this houseboat!
Arch and Bev are coming over this afternoon for a lunch on the deck!
Its Archies b day and the weather couldn't be better.
I am going to Molly Stones and get deli stuff and beer and wine.
I have already planted the decks with flowers and when you sit out here its like being on the same level as the water.
Wish I had a dink to sail around in.
Karl is just down the street and I can get away from the "commune" when I want.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

March 15th 1998

For Rent:

Rustic (shitty,old) houseboat on gate 6 1/2
Loft bedroom full views of the bay, large deck.

So I go look at it and its just my style, its an old 70's houseboat shaped like a mushroom! The windows are old cockpits from world war 2 airplanes that open out so the freakin thing looks like a total spaceship with the all the windows open.
Its round so the living space is one room downstairs and the loft is the bedroom and bathroom.
The deck is huge and its like my living room is Richardson Bay.
I took it.
Moving April 1st.
March 5th 1998

So I find out that Karls share of the mortgage here is $650.00 a month and guess how much I am paying Gene for "rent"? $700.
I told Karl that I am living in his part of this house and 1/2 of 650 is 325.. when he lived with me in Lagunitas I did not charge him 750. a month because my rent was 700. JOEY.
Erika was right, don't trust Gene he is "dumb as a fox".
They all suck including Karl.
I'm looking for a place of my own where I can come home from work and not be stalked by a bored housewife with a part time husband.
March 2nd 1998

All I can think about right now is thank god I did not go in on this house with Karl and Gene. When JR and Erika said don't do it they were right!
Ruthie is like the kind of person that pushes so hard you don't even want to be around her. I bet when she was a kid she was the last person that got picked for teams.
Maybe I am just an anti social horrible person, but I didn't sign up to live in a commune with no privacy or down time.
I don't want to be here anymore.
February 15th 1998

So there is this store on Caledonia Street and it's a baby store, like baby clothes for rich ass Sausalito mothers of which I did not know even existed, I thought this was a kid free town, anyway there was this pink stuffed pig in the window and yesterday morning (Valentines Day) I get up and go out to the kitchen and there it was on the table with a spesheeee VD card.. awww
It sounds stupid but that was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.
I'm kind of low maintenance.

Monday, February 22, 2010

December 29th 1997

Good God was I hung over yesterday. Thursday night Ruthies friend was here from Idawhore (Idaho) she works for Micron Technology and that is the pit I am in right now so she was my new best friend.
We all went down to Pattersons and it was 11 pm before I even realized I have to work tomorrow.
Got home at 12 and then up at 4 to go to work,, I must have been drunk driving to work. Thank god I was all alone, Jane and Chris are in Chicago.
I spent the morning trying to win Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes by being most original entry. Nothing else to do.
I will probably be arrested soon.
Time for a nap
December 5th 1997

Petey baby keeps calling Karl and he won't talk to him. He keeps leaving messages and Karl won't call back. I can see his point for sure but these guys have been friends for a long time and I am starting to think that maybe this is not Rebeccas first time for being a big fat cheater. It's just that this time its Karls best friend among other annoying things.. arggggghhh
In my book chicks should not come between child hood friends and visa versa
I'm not getting involved .. I am sick of this soap opera
December 2nd 1997

I am starting to hide when I get home from work now from Ruthie.
I sneak in and change into running stuff and sneak back out and do my run to the end of town and then walk back.. its so nice. No tourists and its herring season right now, the boats are all in the bay but they are up so close to Horizons you can see the guys and smell the fish and watch them roll the nets in.
By the time I get home I am not thinking in fractions anymore and Ruthies needy personality seems almost normal.
Time for a glass of chardonay.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

November 30th 1997

We rescheduled our dinner with Kent Miller and Teri and went to Il Davide,, I guess Teri likes the food there.
Karl came with me and we stopped at Pinkys on the way and had some bevvys, well we get in the restaurant and there is Jamie and Carolyn so big mouth drunk ass me screams HEY AL!.. and he just looks over at me and says .. Im not drinking.. cuz I guess I also screamed let us buy you a beer.
The whole place was kind of looking at me like what a heatbag.
Nice first impression.
Note to self: Not every night is a Daryllfest.
November 14 1997

So Kent Miller asks me when I could do dinner with him and Teri but I already had a dinner date with Diane and Erica Fiddyment at Buckeye on the night they wanted to go so I told Kent Miller lets do it the next week.. well I guess he didnt listen to me and they showed up just when Diane and Erica and I were being seated so I said stay and sit with us.. but Kent Miller was all mortified and said no, sorry I got it wrong bla bla bla..
I felt bad for him but they could have stayed.
October 17th 1997

Kent Miller met a new girl, I ran into him at Dillers today, he was all hung over.
He told me she likes champagne and they drank a bunch last night.
Her name is Teri and she lives in Sausalito and has red hair.. I asked him what he was thinking... ha
He looked happy!
Im glad for him.
He bought me lunch too.
October 15th 1997

Every day I come home from work and Ruthie comes down and wants to hang out.
The only thing is that I need about an hour or two to come down from my day to go for a run or do Tae-Bo. I am feeling resentful.
Gene still has his place in the city, and he stays there during the week and is only here on weekends, so that leaves her all alone and the whole set up seems strange.
Im trying to not be rude but I need my space especially after work.
October 10th 1997

Ruthie moved in upstairs with Gene.
She was living on a boat next to ours and we introduced them and they hit it off.
She kind of just showed up with her van full of shit one day and started moving stuff in.
I remember him saying after Bonnie died that at his age he was probably done, I guess ya never know.
Work is busy, I have almost every Independent Broker on the floor now as a client for my billing biz. Except Student.. he won't budge.
Went out on JB's boat last Friday night and chased the Sausalito Ferry around.
Flashing tits and dropping trouser..
real mature group we are.
Ended up at Margaritaville and got in trouble, stayed out too late etc.
September 20th 1997


Karl gets home and tells me that Kris and Rebecca are getting divorced!
The thing with Petey baby has escalated and I guess Kris found out, its a full blown soap opera.
She has been doing him since 4th of July we think.
The whole thing has been a farce, I guess when they were cruising she was seeing other dudes then too?
When they came back for a little while last Summer they seemed fine but it was happening then and they were just putting on this act.
July 30th 1997

Going to Domaine Chandon for the parents 30th wedding anniversary. I bought a new dress, its long and sleeveless and black.
Its just family so Karl is not going, I am driving up to Napalachia and coming back after the dinner.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

E Mail From Kent Miller
Monday October 21 2002

My schedule is exactly like all the retired fucks who live all around me.
The dog and I take walks every day and end up waving to exactly the same people in almost the same place. It is very peaceful.
You are going to love this house, by the way, it is right up your alley.
I know you like the neighborhood and you will not believe how much more there is out here in the way of restaurants and sports bars.
My dad is well and moves well as can be expected at 80. All that matters is that he is happy with his new wife and the two of them are perfect together. I have known her since I was 2 years old so we are comfortable together.
Anyway not much more to tell you.
Let me know how to handle the money, thank you for doing me this favor.
If I die, I want everyone to find a sock drawer full of Mahiup so there won't be any confusion about whether or not I was still myself right up to the very end.
Thanks again for everything and good luck to both of us.
E Mail From Kent Miller
Friday July 25th 2003

Mike Gill is closing down the portion of his operation that included Dorso's trading, so I have been busy closing down the positions I put on a month ago.
Closing only is expensive and depressing.
I hope you are stil not feeling threatened about what happened to Oldham. It did not surprise me to read your e mail that he had been drinking with the guys that murdered him.
Like I said closing only has put me in a foul mood, so I am going to sign off and get back to shutting things down.
Remember what happened to Oldham was a result of hanging out with the wrong people and being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I am sorry you lost your friend but all I care about is that you don't let it fuck up your life. I know you.
E Mail From Kent Miller
Wednesday April 16 2003

Dara comes to town a week from today. I don't know what to do with her since I no longer know how to have fun. What do people do for fun once drugs, nerf pong, helium skeet and alcohol are off the table?
If you think of anything e mail me, fun is your speciality.
Want more floor gossip. Enjoy ongoing Neagle disaster.
What are seat prices now?

Friday, February 19, 2010


Holy shit!

4th of July was insane! I came out of the house the next morning and someones bra was hanging from my sideview mirror! Rebecca... claimed it... sheepishly.
So here's the thing,, Petey baby and Rebecca were inseperable the whole night, it was like we were all trying not to notice, including Kris!
We had a full house, I stuck an ounce of shrooms on the dining room table and let the games begin...
Super Dave had new glasses and we re named him the chipmunk.
Jr kept saying don't let the chipmunk drive..
The chipmunk slept on the couch.

We are having a party at 604 Easterby for the 4th:
Here is the plan:

Breakfast and bloodys 9am

Head to Smittys for more bloodys 9:30

Parade on Caledonia 10:00 (Sausalito alkys, dogs in costume, the mayor)

Cal Marching band in Smittys 10:30

Beer, Beer, Beer

12:00 bbq in Dumpy park

1:00 pm Eugene and the Bluejeans.. AGAIN

8:00 pm head out on boat for fireworks.. highly unlikely

The most horrible fucking thing happened over Memorial day weekend.
Kerry's boyfriend Ross was killed in a motorcyle wreck.
This is worse than anything I can comprehend.
She just moved up there to be with him.
Fuck you Alaska
I don't even know all the details
Kellie Hart, and Marc are going up there ,, I want to go

Two days until my birthday:

Tex forgot



wants to





take a check

Lame Grateful Journal:

Grateful to be in love= won't last
Grateful to be on my own= won't last
Grateful for my friends= will last
Grateful for spring flowers= won't last
Grateful to be doing well at work= they don't care
Grateful for my my home= renter
Grateful to be healthy= for now

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I am pissed and sick of talking about it.
I spilled the secret that I should have never been told.
We were at the god and run club on St Paddys day and I got a bit too chatty after a few bevvys..
Told Karl something that was not mine to tell..
My question is how was I supposed to walk around holding that in?
And the answer is the bitch that told me knew exactly what would happen eventually.
I am a tool.
Super Dave Called No Answer.
Karl Called No Answer
My Mom Called No Answer
Erika called,, I did talk to her.
E Mail From Kent Miller
Friday November 29th 2002

Teri needs to know your address to send xmas card.
Pleased to hear Dugdale is still hanging in there.
Can't believe same asshole is still chairman of the Exchange.
Who did Teri Chalmers marry?
Is Joe Jackson still running LIT?
Are Charlie Rogers and Kim Koppein still there?
Is Brogan still trading?
The Kevin I was talking about lives in Novato has a brother named Jeff who use to trade for Group One, he's an idiot, never stops talking and gets on every pits nerves.
How much is exchange charging for each contract traded?
Who is running Casey now?
Did I e mail this yesterday?
E Mail from Kent Miller
Saturday Jan 25th 2003

It's cold and raining and I don't know what to do with myself. I hope you won't mind if I spend part of such a shitty day pestering you.
Tell me stories from work if you have time. I remember that place fondly, I wish I was back there doing the 4 day a week grind.
I swear I can't think of one single thing else to tell you, so instead of wasting more of your weekend. I will just say thanks again for all you've done and written and traveled since this thing of mine started. I know you.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Valentines Day

Karl gave me a box of chocolate mints and a speshee card.
Here is the menu for the VD dinner.
Filet Mignon
Garlic Mushrooms
Tomorrow is Jay and Leoras wedding in Woodacre.
The weather is beautiful today about 73 out.
My car cost 346.00 to get fixed.. what a burn.
E Mail From Kent Miller
March 4th 2003 12:35 a.m

Nothing new or different here, was feeling sorry for myself earlier, thinking how life has turned into a nightmare. 18 months ago I was an independent business man earning good money, planning for retirement, enjoying excellent health, and generally just having a good time and then WHAM.
Now I hurt all the time, don't know how to support myself, probably will never work again and wonder when the cancer will reappear and progress beyond Houstons ability to save me. If I wasn't so afraid of that kind of death, I think I would have let it happen now, given the chance to do over again.
I know nothing good comes out of that kind of thinking, but every so often it just takes over. I justs never saw this kind of wasting away in my future.
I always figured myself for a heart attack or something quick.
I hope something better lies in store for you.
Friday 2/7/1997

Herb Caen died last Saturday.
Karl is taking me to Phantom of the Opera tomorrow, then back to Fairfax to meet all our friends for Timbers band "Great North Speshee". Then its Jerry's Kids .. Dead head cover band.
Work is great, I got another raise and didn't even have to ask. Plus my outside billing business is getting bigger and bigger.
I'm sad tonight and lonely.

Last week I had Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off so Karl and I went up to Fort Ross. We almost didn't make it because of the mudslides that eventually closed the road for 2 days.
It was creepy, we just made it through but when we got up there we had the whole place to ourselves.
Yesterday was Super Bowl,, went to Smittys with the girls.
Heebner is going to show me how to compress all my billing data so I can maybe do it from home.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Kris and Rebecca have left to go cruising on Sanderling. I know it's what Kris has always wanted to do but I am not sure I would be able to do what Rebecca is doing.
Leaving your family and friends for how long?
I admire her for going for his dream.

Work is great now! It's expiration week and I have not been on the floor at all yet.
I have all these projects, so much paper, ya hhhoooooo
We are going to Diane Martinis for dinner on Friday night but before that we are having a re union of the Birthday Club at Thirsty Bear.
Carole Little, Tex, Me, JJ. I can't wait.
Then on Thursday Diane Fiddyment and Erica here for dinner, then me and Karl up to Fort Ross room 17 on Friday.
5 days off next week.
Total of 32 paid days off this year.
See what happens when ya stick around?

We went to Tahoe and it was the weekend before the great flood of '97, we got back just in time before the Truckee river went berserk.
Karl and I have been running every day, he is losing weight but not me. Why is it easier for men?
I wish I could have a dinner party here this weekend, but I don't know anyone that would come.
It use to be my favorite thing to do.
Boo hoooo

The lights just went out and I am sitting in my cozy living room with the lantern that Diane Fiddyment gave me for xmas. Erica is so cute, she gave me a Garcia book written by the editors of the Rolling Stone.. I love it!
It's nice to have chick friends. I was never very good at that.
We had the usual asshole on parade xmas, is it ok to not like your own family?
Every time we get together its a scene.
Why is everyone so pissed off at each other?
I just want everyone to get along and be happy.
Or how about just try and maintain while we are together, then lose your shit when you get home?

Well Summer is over.
We are going to Brian Camp withapiano's wedding on Saturday and staying down in Burlingame at the hotel where the reception is. Yay.
I decided to buy myself a new bed from the money I am making from billing.
I ordered it from Macys,,, well I failed to realize this street is not big enough for the big truck, so it delivers the bed and no one can get by etc.. the cops come..
I was mortified.. I thought they would have had a smaller truck, but how are they supposed to know about how narrow this street is? DUH

Monday, February 15, 2010

Friday 10/4/1996

Boy we had the family re union from hell last Saturday!
Kate is here from D.C and Molly came down from Chico, we had the usual bbq at the parents and then went out after.
The shit hit the fan and Archie yelled at us and made his sisters cry (not me).
Then he got in a cab and said he did not want to us for another 2 years!
This is the exact amount of time he hasn't seen Kate.
So I bummed out all week thinking I fucked up, and it kills me to think my own brother who I love more than anyone else on this planet could be mad at me.
All I ever do is try and make everyone happy, I hate confrontation, that is why I am the doormat of the family.
He just called and said it wasn't me.
Now I can breathe.
Friday September 6th 1996

I am so excited! I think we are having a "girl" dinner over here on Saturday.
I am so excited, we have not done this in so long. Me, my mom, Lisa, Kerry, Auntie Bonnie. Why have we all been drifting away? Is it me?
I am making Tandoori game hens with cumin tomato sauce, garlic mashed potatoes and lemon zested zuchinni and carrots julliene.
Bev and I had a deep rooted phone conversation this evening.
Financial Planning
The root of all evil, the tree in her backyard.
Friday August 9th 1996

Where have I been?

Jerry has been dead a year now and I still cry. Tex took me to the Further Festival last week and it was fun to see the deadhead legacy continue in some form.
The music was great but certainly not the same. Lobos was the best, Rat Dog was kind of a let down but Bobby had the coolest pants on.
Tomorrow is Saturday and we are going out on Arhies boat.
Went out on JB's new boat last Wednesday and got home at midnight on a school night...

The weather is cloudy and cold, it's almost 4th of July and I just turned the heat on. I am sick again. I went to work yesterday for 2 hours then came home to bed. Slept all day and all night then felt a little better today and I had to go in because Linda is out.
I had nothing in the house for food so I took a bunch of basil, tarragon, and curry and sesame oil and potato and made soup.. it turned out really good.
I don't get paid until Friday but I will get 300.00 for billing... woohoooo

Saturday, February 13, 2010


Back to the floor today and already bitter by the end of the day.

Kent Miller: get me some chop

Cappy: Did you make my reservations?

Jane: Did you save my personal reference in the computer?

BT: Kellie Baby are you done with that 1000 lot yet?

Tomorrow is Cappys good bye party he is giving himself.

Webber bitter and shitty over Cappy.

Then there is Gabe who can't stop holding a grudge against Wayne for walking away.

Did anyone think maybe it was his health that made him bail?

Work has been great, I have been upstairs the past month!
Next week is expiration so back to the floor. ICK
Last weekend was the Fairfax Festival, what a Darrylfest.
JB, Dana, Super Dave, Super Likkered Ed, me, Karl and Gene.
Did brunch here at my new house, then hiked down the hill to town with Mimosa's in hand.
We all ended up going to Pancho Villas after the parade then everyone ended up back here, just what I did not want. Felt like shit all day Sunday.
Don and Nan invited us to dinner and we shined... assholes.

There is a beautiful doe laying at the foot of my porch!
I gave her lettuce.
She is still there and I have a million things to do but I can't bring myself to do anything but look at her.
I have been standing at my door over 30 minutes just enjoying her company.

Friday, February 12, 2010


Self Loathing 101

I got all the Hawaii pics back. I am somehow amazed at the way I look. I always think I look so bad that pics shouldn't even be taken of me. Then I look at them and think I always look better than what I think I look like.
What do I look like?
This weekend
Fairfax Festival
uh oh

Back from Hawaii!
Spent 4 days on Maui, me, Karl, Super Dave. Me and my favorite dudes in the whole world for my 4oth!
Stayed at the Pioneer Inn for 4 nights, it was so nice, Diane Fid sent me champagne to our room.. Thnks girlfriend!
Off to the big island to stay with Zack and Hanna, they have 600 acres of Kava growing on their farm. Puppies, cats, horses...
Rode their horses through the sugar cane. Zack took us to this beach where we camped out and he speared fresh lobster for dinner. Unbelievable!
Got to shoot the AK 47
Back to work tomorrow..

Diane Fiddyment asked me over for dinner.
Her and Bucky Doodle, and Jasmine got me a basket full of gardening tools and a gift certificate to the Fairfax Nursery!
How cute is that.
Mothers day this weekend.
Going over to clean up the yard and plant stuff.

It's Friday and I have no one to play with. I went to the mall and got Kellie Hart some really cool place mats at Williams Sonoma.
I don't know why I picked place mats, it is a bit too domestic but I remember when Stacey Zimmer and Lindsay got me candle holders from Gumps and I thought that was a nice mature present for an old fuck like me.
Super Dave and I may take the ferry over to Vallejo tomorrow for Kellies party.
No Karl baby this weekend. He has finals.
I never see him.
Who needs men?

Saturday is Kellie Harts 30th birthday so we are all going over to her house for the big party.
Supposed to go to the farmers market in San Rafael tonight with Super Dave and Kerry but I just now got done with Jamies billing.
Tomorrow is Friday, already, the weeks go by so fast when I am in the office.
I love work then.
15 days to Hawaii.
Lunch at Sams was fun but we went out in JB's boat after and got stranded until 10pm.
Lincoln had to take a dump and had to hang off the side in the water, but got stage fright, the boy was rather uncomfortable, wet nuts .. full ass.. ha
Had to call Vessel assist, JB demanded they bring a case of Heineken to tide us over since it was costing size by largeness.
They delivered the beer but no chop?

Thursday, February 11, 2010


My new place is paradise! Yesterday I planted the decks and just hung out.
Archie bought a house in Napa, got the job in Novato and kept the boat.
Saturday we went out for a short cruise.
Things are looking up, I have not felt this happy for a long time and I did it all myself.
Tomorrow lunch at Sams with the carpool.
Billing all week at work
life is good!
April 7th 1996

All kinds of stuff has happened. I found a new place in Fairfax, it's so pretty!
It's up on Scenic and it's the bottom of a house that this lady had totally re modeled, everything is brand new and the whole living room is berber carpet and has a woodsy view.
I just got over pnuemonia, I was never that sick in my life.
Today is Easter so I took Bev to brunch at Embassy Suites, what a joke, they were so unorganized it was horrible.
I had to take rat dude over to Bevs to live, I can not have him at the new place.
It's breaking my heart.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Monday again
March 18th 1996

Friday had beers with Webber and ran into Ed Adams and Kathleen, so had a beer with them and came back to San Rafael to the Flat Iron to say good bye to the Darryls (MJT Roadtrip) then the chicks and I went to Pinky's.
Yesterday was fucked up, Super Dave talked me into going with him to a shower in Sebastopol, on the way home we stopped in Novato and got a package. Yuk. Stayed up until 2:30- YUK
At least I already had the day off.
Did I say YUK?
Monday March 10 1996

The market was down 171 points Friday so everyone thought it would be black Monday again, but instead it closed up 110 points. Go figure.
Saturday was great, we had Gene over for dinner on the boat. We rowed the dinghy down to the Western Boat Shop and got two crabs and some shrimp. It's so fun to be able to row down there and get dinner.
Sunday was raining again.
Had to spend the night in Sausalito, there is a band that practices in the warehouse behind the boat.. Great.

Archie is going to Switzerland on Thursday, just for a visit but I think he is going to look for a job. Fuck.
Karl is getting on my nerves, I feel like I am being used for just about everything.
I want to be taken out to dinner, I want flowers, I want him to come over and listen to me talk for once. I want him to cook me dinner.
I want him to not get laid every time he wants then run off to work. Fucker
He bought me lunch last Saturday but that was it, now he is eating my food and drinking my booze again.
Life sucks. Bev is being cranky, I think something is wrong and we all know why.

Weekend was kind of sucky. I don't know why. I guess I was kind of hungover yesterday. Went to Sausalito and Karl bought lunch! Went to Archies boat and it was sort of nice out so we motored around and drank beer.
Friday night I was a whore, I told Bev I was coming over and then did a big no show.
We went to Pinky's after work then to JB's house then took a cab back here to meet Karl after his work, then back to Pinky's.
Drink Much?

Monday, February 8, 2010

Feb 26 1996

Somebody buy me flowers

Somebody take me to dinner

Somebody buy me a nice bottle of wine

Somebody do something special

Somebody invite me out on the town

Somebody cook me a homemade dinner

Somebody pay attention when I speak

Somebody surprise me with a treat

Somebody give me a present

Friday February 23 1996

Its so nice having these days off. Got up at 7! Had coffee, went running and did errands. Its getting all stormy again. We are hiking anyway. I met Arch at his office on Lincoln, then we went to Smith Ranch for beers where we ran into Dick Casey, that was kind of cool to hear the other side of the Coast Options take over story, still can't figure out why Wayne just walked away? Dick Casey said I would always have a job with him if things don't work out on the new frontier!

God, I hate work right now. Linda is always in a "fast market". Being on the floor is driving me fucking kooky. I hate it so much.
So right now its real slow so I thought fuck it and asked for Thursday and Friday off, never thinking they would give it to me, but they did.. yipppeeeee
Woke up at 7 then went running and then down to Sausalito to Freds for breakfast.
Got new running shoes.

Pouring Rain Again

Saturday Arch and me and Karl and Gene hiked up the old railroad grade to West Point Inn on Mt Tam. It was rainy and and damp but not cold. Then to Gate 5 restaurant for some brewskies.
Work is weird, I feel like Linda is mad at me?

Sunday, February 7, 2010


I Have A Secret

Last night we were at 19 Broadway listening to music and Karl see's this old friend of his moms, I guess she use to baby sit them when they were kids.
So we are all drinking and the music is good and she keeps asking me how Gene is, how are Gene and Karl???? WTF?
So I keep saying things are great, we hike all the time and I cook for them etc.. things are really pretty ok as things could be after Karls mom passed away.
She keeps hinting at the fact that Gene is more than Karls "step dad".
I finally get it, she is telling me something I really have no right to know, do not want to know.
She has obviously broken a promise that she made to Karls mom years ago. Why me?
I can not tell anyone ever.


I thought this was the 3 day weekend. Duh its next weekend. It is 77 degrees out today!
Yesterday we finally took the 2 man raft out and rowed around in the canal. I went again by myself today.
Yesterday after the boat ride and some lunch we went to hike in china camp and then to Toms surprise party. Did not stay long. Karl has a low tolerance for his dad lately.
Slept like shit last night.
I always have these nightmares about not being able to get home. Or I am trying to get to work and can't.
Sounds like real life


Today is the first day with no rain in about 2 weeks! I have the whole boat open to get fresh air. I even bought some tulips, yellow and pink, very springy.
I went running then grocery shopping- having salad for dinner. Last night I cooked beef stroganoff for Karl and Gene, boy was it stormy, thunder and lightning.
When I came home to the boat I fell down the dock, lovely.
Then in the middle of the night all these rowdy boat pirates got off a boat on the other side of my dock, its kind of scary, my boat door won't lock, if anyone tried to come in all I have is ratdude and he would just make muffins on em.
Work tomorrow, still in Sun Micro, Emily makes runners want to wet their pants.
I feel sorry for them so grab the orders and get the quotes as much as I can but its really busy.
Some of these jack ass market makers are getting in there at 3 am to get their spots.

Drunken Whore Part Two.

God, Friday night I turned into a big bitter mean drunk. I just laid into to Karl and I don't know why. Maybe my frustration with the relationship, what future?
Kent Miller has been telling me I am doomed because of the age difference, he said it broke up him and Devi because she wanted kids.
Maybe he is right.
Went to lunch today with the hyper new mother. Jesus, I know she quit drinking and is trying to quit smoking but she is difficult to be around.
Going to see the folks in Napa this weekend.
Its raining.

Saturday, February 6, 2010


Drunken Whore.

China Cat into I Know You Rider

Went to work: Fucking corporate

Listening to Jerry

Making me sad

Jerry singing

I'm crying

I want to live in Point Reyes

Sick of being boat bitch


Sitting here on the boat waiting for McNamee to pick me up.
I usually go out to his car and wait with him till Jb picks us up.
We share a pack of pop tarts.. I forgot how good those are.
They moved me to Sun Micro, at least its busy and the day goes fast. Its funny to see all the runners and clerks run from Emily.. ha they are all terrified of her.
Jane seems to think I can put out any fire on the floor so I get called down there a lot even when I am doing billing.
Talked to Zack and Hanna today and they are stoked we are coming over to the big island in May.
Monday 1/15/1996

Cooked dinner for Karl and Gene on Saturday night,
Whole chicken chopped up
Artichoke hearts
Baby onions
Wine and broth served over rice.
Going skiing this weekend at Kirkwood.
Today I worked in the office.
Tomorrow back to the floor.

Feeling kind of useless at work.
Fuck em.
Had beers with Arch at Pinkys.
Bev had a smoke.
Baby shower tomorrow.
Don't want to hang out with chicks.
Rather go to boat show with the dudes.

Went to Piatti in Mills Ville last night on Chicago Corp. It was good but kind of boring, everyone drank ice tea. Pshaw!
Went to Karls after work and got screwy vibes so bailed.
I can't live on this boat anymore, its killing my lungs.
Called about a cottage in San Anselmo but its too much money.
I am going to be 40 and I have nothing..

Had a great weekend. Niners lost but we had a party at Karls in Sausalito. Kerry, Super Dave, Me and Arch.
I made some great food and then we went to Smittys after.
Looks like Hawaii in May is a do!
Work still weird, but I am picking up more and more billing work.
Went to emergency room again two nights ago.. too wet and damp here?

Friday, February 5, 2010


Back to work today! It was good to get back into my routine.
Our office is all weird now with the Chicago Corp People ( I see suits) and they want all the brokers to do their own billing, oh darn!!!!
This could be potential money big time.. since I am the billing whore of the PSE!

Friday night I go out with the Darryls, Jamie, Jb, McNamee, Lincoln, Steve Wrong,
etc.. Pinkys, Flatty, then end up at Trevors where we witnessed the striptease of a very old baggy woman. God I am going to be like that someday, I know it.
Saturday Archie went to the hospital from severe dehydration due to the flu. He was trying to call me but I was too hung and did not answer the phone. So since he is living on the boat in Sausalito and Karl is right up the street he called Karl and Karl took him to the hospital.
Then I had a bad asthma attack and went to the hospital around midnight and was there until about 2:30 so no work today.
I have been out 11 days. I just want to go back to my normal routine!
No more hospital crap.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


I am starting not to know what day it is. What Xmas?
Thank god I have this week off. Went to the hospital again today, 3rd day now, Bev seems a bit better but they are keeping her until Friday. No more smokes.
When I went back to her house I threw away all things tobacco.
Thank god for Gene and Karl, when I got back over there Gene took us to Alta Mira for dinner, if it wasn't for them I would have been eating a day old 1/2 sando for Xmas dinner.

Merry Fucking Xmas

Spent all day in Pacifica today in the hospital where Bev is. She has a severe respiratory infection. I knew she should have stayed home and not gone to Pats.
Me and Arch came back to Marin this afternoon then he wanted to go back down there by himself, that was weird. I wanted to go too but then I called her and she did not want company.
Arch just called. He is down there staying in a hotel. He went and bought Xmas decorations for her room and put out presents.
I love that guy.

Merry Xmas.
Arch was supposed to go to Switzerland but cancelled at the last minute. Bev is in Pacifica with Aunt Pat and I am going to Napa Xmas Eve.
Karl and I are hiking Mt Tam tomorrow and then going to his Xmas party.
I went to the Independent party, two days straight of partying. Ended up at Smittys with Pete, Jamie, JB and Kent Miller, just like the old days!
I miss my mommy.
Rat Dude is warm and fuzzy.

Market down 100

Still patching up from last weeks storm. I stopped the window leak and found all the shit that blew away. There were 100 mile an hour winds for 2 days. Diane called to make sure I was ok, and JB came and looked at the boat.. nice to have neighbors.
Today was busy at work, so was Friday.
Rob Kovell gave me a $300. bonus, he said "when you are here I don't have errors".
Working in that pit makes me feel like I am part of a well oiled machine.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


There is supposed to be a big storm tonight. It just started raining, I guess I will see how boat life is in a storm, it's warm and toasty in here now.
I made mushroom lasagne with shallots and raddichio.
Last nights boat show in Sausalito was fun. It was like a dream. We anchored out in front of Horizons and the whole boat parade went right by us. Then to Margaritaville for dinner.
2 more weeks until vacation!

Just got back from the mall with my mommy. We gave each other $100.00 bucks and went shopping together. What a great idea then everyone gets what they want.
Tonight we are going to Arch's boat in Sausalito for the Xmas boat parade. I think I will get a bunch of crab to take. Yum. It's foggy and cold.
December 6th 1995

What a nightmare! I had to go to Nordstrom today to return a jumper, and it was so crowded. God I hate shopping. Tried to find jeans, too fat. Tried on a skirt, nothing I have will go with it.
Supposed to go to dinner with Tex tonight but haven't heard from him. No matter where we go I can walk home!

Chicago Corp is taking over Coast Options. That is why Jane and Geary are here.
And Lary Hanson has been in and out of Waynes office a lot lately.
So Wayne walked out and never said goodbye, thank you or anything to Linda, he just left.
She was in tears.
No More Journal Entry Until:


Karl wanted to move out of Lagunitas, too far to commute to the city, ya tell me about it.
He moved out and I didn't want to be out there all by myself so I am renting Pete McNamees boat in the canal. Its saving me 200 a month in rent and I can walk to everything.
JB came over and pirated some cable access for me so now I have cable tv.
The dangerous part of this is that I am in crawling distance of Pinkys.
Its very quiet here.
January 22nd 1994

Jesus, I can not believe what Linda is going through. Her parents are here now staying with her.
I think she is going to file a wrongful death suit against the NASD. Stan had this "female" boss that he did not get along with, and it caused him so much stress the doctor wrote him off of work for a whole month. Then he went back for 2 days and ended up dead from a massive heart attack.
I am doing her job while she is taking some time off, I want everything to be perfect so she does not have to worry about this place.
Heebner of course reminded me of this. DUH

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I See Dead People
Chapter 3

January 15th 1994

Today at work Stan (Lindas husband) did not show up for lunch today, he always comes over to our office and they have lunch together, they brown bag it most days.
So she calls over to his office at NASD and he did not come to work?????
So she goes something is wrong, I am going to get on the bus and go home.
She said she just had this bad feeling.
She got home and he was dead in the bathroom! FUCK
He had some heart issues and was off work on a medical leave then he was back for 2 days and then this... Are you kidding me???
He was in the house all day til she got there.
Massive heart attack
Then you die
I See Dead People
Chapter 2

E mail from Kent Miller
Thursday November 21 2002 11:23 pm

Just got home from Houston (MD Anderson) They are very optimistic. Meyeloma doctor says I am at far end of spectrum for accepting transplant, once again general fitness comes into play.
Transplant doctor says transplant will be treated as outpatient procedure and come back every day from apartment across street for several weeks, but odds of survival in regards to complications exceeds 90%.
Then you die.
I See Dead People

Dec 1st 1993

Karls mom passed away today.
Ovarian cancer age 55.
Here is what I don't get. I understand about Hope. What I don't understand is why doctors tell you its going to be ok when it obviously is not.
Here have chemo it will make you sick.
Here have radiation it will make you sicker.
Then you die.

Monday, February 1, 2010

October 20th 1993

A Brief Summary of Coast Options Management:

Kevin Gee: All business not much fun, never smiles. What does this guy do on weekends??

Tom Heebner: Takes it all too seriously. Heil Heebner

Linda: Would give you the shirt off her back.

Gabe: Elitist, fun outside of work, could stab you in the back.

Cappy: Blowhard, gets things done, bark is worse than bite.
E Mail From Kent Miller
Tuesday March 4th 2003

Thanks for sending me the latest floor bulletin. About that 13$K bid- who wants more seats? I mean do people really expect a significant change in the state of affairs down there? And think of all the doctors and dentists who paid $350K or more for one of those things, they must really feel sandbagged. The only good thing I can think of in this regard is that Paul Liang must be royally fucked after years of trying to manipulate the seat sales. I hope he is bankrupt.
October 5th 1993

I was laying in the hammock reading after work and Hauke and Lawson stopped by to burn one. I don't know how those guys do it, they can run forever, drink some beers burn one and run some more. I have been going out to Bear Valley to run on weekends.
They do it most days after work. Its 8 miles!
October 2nd 1993

Woooohooooo, I got a raise! And quite by accident a big one. Gabe decided to give me more money on the equity side and then Wayne gave everyone on the options floor one since it has been so busy lately.
Speaking of that Heebner is making us all come in this expiration Saturday, not just trade match but all brokers, assistants, booth people etc..
I have been here 15 years and have not had to do that yet. Heil Heebner!
September 20th 1993

Mortified Heat Bag

So last Thursday night dinner club was at one of Super Daves house sitting jobs and we were just going to bbq but then we ended up going all night and I had to work Friday, I would have called in sick but it was Expiration. I had to take the bus in because I couldnt drive to the carpool,, finally the day ends and I get home and nap.
I woke up and thought it was the next day and rushed to the phone and called work.
Ellie answered and I told her I was on my way in but might be an hour late and please tell the floor.
She said Kellie its Friday evening,, maybe you should get some rest...
Jesus,,, ya, hi co owner of the company I work for, sorry but I don't know what day it is.