Tuesday, July 13, 2010


My mom is in this place in Sonoma now. I thought this was going to be good because I don't have to drive so far but when I go visit she pleads with me to get her out of there.
Yesterday I walked in and they had her all dressed in some freakin costume bed jacket weird ass shit. Very disturbing, do they do this for fun?
I want her out of there. Then I notice this cut on her upper lip and she told me they cut her shaving her??????
She was released from the Smith Ranch facility "AMA" against medical advice, she wanted to go home so we got her home and I made sure there was a ton of food and everything she would need for the weekend. She said she just wanted to be alone in her house with her cats.
So all weekend I am calling..... no answer... every day calling no answer, same with Auntie Bonnie, so finally Auntie Bonnie goes over Monday and finds her laying on the living room floor, fell out of the wheel chair.
Paramedics come and take her back to Kaiser but then that ran out and now she is in this creepy freak show old folks piss smellin place in Sonoma.
I meet with some social worker. I ask what is wrong with my mother?
What are we dealing with?
I get no answers.
What I want to know is what is going on here? What am I dealing with?
Is this the end?

Sunday, July 4, 2010


My mom is fucked up. The past few times I have called to say I am coming over to visit she has said no. Now that I think about it I have not been over there since she called and told me about Marc.
That was July.
I thought maybe she was on a bender? Well shit call it old ghosts I don't know.
Bonnie and I went over there and I could not believe my eyes when we walked in the door.
The house was like nothing I had ever seen before, cat food and maggots, empty food containers all over the place, and when I looked in the fridge it looked like she was living on popsicles and weird shit.
This is not my mom. She always had pride in her home. Always clean.
What is happening here?
It took us a whole day to clean it up. The poor cats.
We were told she has had a stroke and did not want anyone to know. Did she give up?
Keep living in the house but gave up.
I am so helpless right now.
What is wrong? She is being bounced back and forth between Kaiser and some old fucks home.
September 20 2003

We are getting a puppy!
Next Friday Mike is picking me up from work and we have to drive down to Gilroy to get him.
Today I am all alone wooooohoooo Mike went sailing with Val, I did not want to go its too hot.
I seem to be bugging him lately so some apart time is good.
Damn good!
August 20th 2003

Sitting in front of the Slanted Door on the Embarcadero waiting for everyone to get here. Its Steve Foltz's goodbye party.
74 degrees out, the bay is blue with lots of boats.
I am very tired, no sleep last night. I keep having nightmares about Marc and wake up terrified, I have been e mailing Kent Miller about this.
Maybe some shaking beef and some spring rolls.
Here comes Tex.. walking down the street.. hard to miss that profile...
Beer sounds good now.
Monday August 18th 2003

Kate and Bloobas here all week!
One week until Bucks Lake.
I feel like I don't look too good lately.
Kind of run down.
Feeling a little conquered by the world.
July 26th 2003

Last weekend was the funeral, rosary Friday night, funeral Saturday.
I got a room at the Fairfax Inn so I did not have to drive back and forth.
Super Dave and I shared. Friday night Naves was all US.. must have been 200 people in there, laughing, crying.
John Hart had to be carried back to the hotel.
I don't think any of us really get it yet.
How could this happen?
Aug 29,30 going to Bucks to scatter ashes.
And kick some ASSSSS

Saturday, July 3, 2010

July 15th

Saturday was my moms birthday, Saturday was also the day that Marc ran into the devil.
Marc was murdered at Bucks Lake, the place he loved more than anywhere in the world, he felt safe and happy there.
How could this happen?
They found him laying in the road with a head injury, inflicted by 3 dudes, locals, hillbilly meth mother fuckers, that he had befriended that weekend, bought them drinks, partied with...
Is this a bad dream?